


A Boost in Morale

by ranereins (shadowintime)



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-24
Updated: 2011-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-15 01:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/155438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowintime/pseuds/ranereins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morale on Destiny is at an all time low and something must be done about it before everyone reaches wits end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Boost in Morale

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that has been in the back of my mind ever since I saw The Full Monty; the guy who plays Rush plays the main character in it if you weren't aware. Anyways, this is the extremely disturbing mental image that formed and, with my friend's encouragement, I made it into a fic so that others could be disturbed by it too. :P Just remember... you can't unread things.

“Alright, I’ve called this meeting because we have a growing morale problem,” Colonel Young informed the small group consisting of Scott, Greer, Eli, Johansen, Rush, Chloe, and Wray. “The further from home we travel, the worse things get. We’ve all seen it and most of us are experiencing it. So, what are we going to do about it?”

Everyone looked to each other, seeing if anyone had any ideas but no one spoke up. After a few more moments, Rush stood and headed towards the door.

“Rush! I know that you believe that you have more important things to do…”

“I do have more important things to do… like, oh, say, figuring out a way to gain control of Destiny so that maybe we might possibly be able to turn it around someday.”

“And while that is all well and good, I’m more concerned about the short-term. Being able to control Destiny is only good so long as we haven’t ripped each other apart before that day comes,” Young said firmly. “Now we need to come up with something to lift everyone spirits, lighten the mood… maybe even make everyone laugh.”

“Would you like me to lie to everyone and tell them that I’ve found a way to get us home?” Rush asked sarcastically.

“You mean again?” Eli asked quietly.

“I want us to brainstorm and come up with something fun to do.”

“Fun isn’t my area of expertise.”

“Obviously,” Greer mumbled.

“Besides, I can only think of one thing and I doubt that there’d be any volunteers for it.”

“Well let’s hear it anyways.”

~~~

Rush removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, no, no! You’re doing it all wrong!”

Eli blushed. “Which one of us?” Scott asked bashfully.

“All of you!” Rush exclaimed, exasperated. “I can’t believe that not one of you is capable of getting it right! I expect it from Eli and Colonel Young for obvious reasons, but I would have thought that you two would practically be masters at it!” He motioned to Scott and Greer.

Eli blushed an even deeper shade of crimson, Young frowned, and Scott hooked his thumbs through his belt loops and looked put-out. “And just what exactly do you mean by that?” Greer asked indignantly.

Rush shrugged slightly. “I don’t know, I just would have figured that, being the young men that you are, you might have done this at least once before for someone. Or in the very least had it done for you enough times that you would have picked up on some of the basics.”

Greer growled at Rush’s implications but Young placed a firm hand on his shoulder to prevent him from doing anything.

“I don’t understand why we can’t just do the talent show thing,” Eli said desperately.

“Because no one wants to watch you solve the world’s most difficult math problem, Rush give everyone a lecture on why he’s better than anyone else or Scott do his God-awful and slightly disturbing rendition of SexyBack like he does in the showers,” Greer said, still glaring at Rush.

Scott gaped at his friend. “You swore you’d never say anything about that!” The colonel did his best to suppress a laugh.

“You know, I do have other talents besides solving math problems,” Eli protested.

“Can you do any of these other talents with what we have on the ship?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Then that’s why we can’t have a talent show. Most of the people on this ship probably couldn’t do anything besides their jobs with what we have.”

“You know, I just can’t imagine this being a talent of yours Rush,” Colonel Young said, leaning against one of the nearby crates.

“Everyone has their ways of paying their way through college, this was mine.”

“Am I the only one that’s highly disturbed by that mental image?” Eli asked.

“I’m disturbed,” Scott replied.

“More than disturbed,” Greer added.

The door to the normally unused room slid open and Chloe peeked her head in, grinning broadly. “So how’s it going?”

“Not well,” Rush replied.

“Oh, give them a break. This sort of thing wasn’t part of any military training. They just need some practice.”

“I don’t think practice is going to help,” Eli said, unable to bring himself to even look at Chloe.

“Now that’s not true,” she said optimistically, throwing an arm around him. “You’ll do great. I’ll be right there rooting for you.” Scott frowned at the last part.

“I think that’s part of the problem,” he replied, his cheeks heating even more.

“Alright Chloe, out,” Rush said, ushering her to the door. “We have a lot of work to do.”

~~~

“Is this really necessary?” Young asked as Chloe traced along the edge of his eyes with black eyeliner.

“Yes,” she replied, grinning in a way that could only be described as deviously.

“I like it, I think it makes me look badass,” Eli said as he inspected his appearance in Chloe’s compact mirror.

“It makes me look like a goth army wannabe,” Scott said, frowning slightly at the way the black eyeliner made his skin look unusually pale in contrast.

“I look like some kind of wannabe, I just don’t know exactly what kind,” Greer said disapprovingly.

Rush smiled surreptitiously at his reflection. “There, all done Colonel,” Chloe said proudly as she took a step back to look at her work.

“I’m not even gonna look,” Young said, holding up a hand in refusal as Chloe offered him a mirror.

“You look very sexy Colonel,” Chloe assured him as she tucked the eye pencil back into her makeup bag. “Alright, hurry up and finish getting ready, you’re on in five.” She hurriedly rushed out of the room and down the hall to the gateroom.

As they neared the platform above the gateroom, the doorway of which had been covered with a couple sheets, Eli began nervously pulling at the collar of his tan t-shirt. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can,” Scott encouraged, looking only slightly less nervous.

“No, I can’t. They’re going to laugh… I mean look at me, I’m not built like you guys.”

“I’m sure they are going to laugh, especially the guys, but that’s kind of what this is all about… to lighten the mood,” Scott said. “And you look just fine Eli; you don’t need to be so self-conscious.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Hey, if there’s anyone in this group who should be self-conscious about body image, it’s Rush. He’s got chicken legs,” Greer added with a chuckle. “If he can do it, so can you.” Eli rolled his eyes.

Young placed a supportive hand on Eli’s shoulder. “Look, none of us are happy about doing this, but we’re doing this for the good of the ship’s morale. Just remember that and you’ll do fine.”

Eli took a deep breath and nodded, determined. “Ok.”

“Performing for us tonight, one night only, please welcome… Destiny’s Children!” Chloe announced gleefully. Everyone clapped hesitantly, confused as to what was going on, though there were a few very loud claps and a wolf whistle. Undoubtedly those came from the three women who actually knew what was about to happen.

“We’re never letting Chloe decide on a name for anything ever again,” Scott declared as they filed out onto the platform in the gateroom.

“Agreed,” the other four men said.

The group of people, standing below them in the gateroom stared up the five men in military uniforms. Eli and Rush stood at each end of the line wearing desert camo uniforms complete with boots and hat while the three military men wore the standard black and each held an unloaded M4. The five men stood at ease, holding their rifles by the muzzle at their sides in silence; after a few moments passed, they began a standard rifle drill. Despite their lack of experience in handling guns in such a way, Young, Greer and Scott preformed the drill flawlessly, Rush and Eli fumbled several times however despite the practice that they had had which made some of the military personnel snicker while others simply shook their heads.

As they finished the rifle drill, standing as they had before the drill had begun, everyone reluctantly and unenthusiastically clapped for the men. Chloe grinned knowingly as she stood off to the side, finger hovering over the play button on Eli’s laptop. Young nodded to Chloe and she giddily hit the button; For Your Entertainment began to play loudly. The crowd began whispering as the five men stood frozen and frowning slightly.

“That’s not the music we picked out,” Eli whispered, panicking slightly.

“Just go with it,” Rush whispered back. “The music doesn’t really matter so long as it had the right sort of beat.”

The men regained their nerve and began the routine that they choreographed. They used their guns for props for the first part of the sequence before sliding them to the sides and out of the way. The audience stared up at them, more confused than ever.

Peeling off their jackets in a slow and somewhat seductive way, they spun them above their heads before allowing them to fly into the audience. Rush’s jacket landed on Brody’s head and he sat stunned as it slowly slid off into the floor. Wray and Johansen wolf whistled as they took off their shirts; Young made sure to direct his at Johansen and Wray inadvertently received Rush’s, which took her completely by surprise. Upon Chloe’s signal, the sergeants that she had convinced to man the few of the handheld spotlights that they had turned them on and shown them on the men’s chests; the body glitter that she had convinced them to let her dust on sparkled brilliantly.

The rest of the women and a few of the men joined in the cheering as they removed their belts and slapped the railing with them before turning, rolling their hips as they did. When they had completed the 360° turn, their pants were unbuttoned and unzipped and they began toeing out of their untied boots. The cheers increased as the five teased the audience with the prospect of removing the pants before finally allowing them to drop as the song came to its end.

As they stood with their pants around their ankles, everyone, even the stunned men, began clapping; some laughed, some cheered. The five grinned triumphantly. “Take it all off!” a woman shouted just before they reached to pull their pants back up and a chant of “take it off!” began. The five men looked at each other momentarily before hooking their thumbs in the waistbands of their underwear and grinning.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll let you decide if they were just teasing or if they bared all. ;D I really don't want to think about it any further.
> 
> Now, I dare you all not to think of this at least once while watching in the future. *veg*


End file.
